Count your blessings day... or something like that

I have decided to make every Monday both on my blog and in my life a day of Gratitude (inspired by the blog, A Holy Experience. ) I chose Monday b/c so often it can be a day we dread. It might mean five more days of school until I get to another weekend. Or, five more days of work at a job you're not crazy about, or five more days with your husband gone at his work all day. No matter what your circumstance, I though Mondays might be days where we needed to be reminded of all the good in our lives and all we have to be thankful for.
Therefore, every Monday I am going to post 10 specific things that I am thankful for.
Here goes...
As I sit in my one bedroom apartment I am thankful...
1.) That we found this place so quickly upon our return from Norway for about the same price as our old apt. and that it has so much more space than our old apartment (good esp. with our toddler and for entertaining) but is still in walking distance from everything.
2.) Also, that it is run by our old landlord who is extremely lenient about everything which means that we painted our living room wall "Courtyard green" a bright and rich evergreen color, with a white Aragorn tree on it. Beautiful...
3.) After 3 months kept indoors by the cold Illinois weather, that it is 74 degrees outside and birds are chirping and the sun is shining welcoming spring ! (which means parks and hikes and picnics and flowers and animals etc!!)
4.) Speaking of birds I am so grateful that my son is learning to talk so much now (bird being one of his latest words. He likes watching them through the window). His 50 odd words (I counted the other day for his baby book) have alleviated so much of his frustration and enabled him to communicate very well.
5.) Looking across the room from where I sit I see a beautiful asian style quilt that my father's mother made for my birthday. I am so grateful for the artists in my genetic line that have infused me with just a bit of their genes. It helps me to create and see the world in a richer way.
6.) I recently attended a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) gathering at the church of the lady I babysit for. While there we painted pots and were given seeds and soil to plant them in. I have been like a child every day going over at least twice to see the miracle of new life pushing through the soil and bending toward the sun. It is amazing watching things that were once just small seeds turning into LIFE, vibrant green first and then a glory of color and style. I can't wait to see how the flowers turn out and to begin smelling my basil and cilantro. I am SO thankful that God wrote this beauty into creation.
7.) As my head continues to swivel around the room I spot my bookshelves that are bursting at the seams and I see titles and names of authors that have shaped me in such deep and lasting ways that I am greatly in debt to them. These include George MacDonald, Madeleine L'Engle, CS Lewis, JRR Tolkien, and on and on. Hmmm... perhaps they will become topics of some of my postings this week!
8.) My feet right now are propped up on an antique trunk that my mothers father (my "mor far" in Norwegian) found for me. My grandparents are some of the most generous people I know and they have found great fun in running estate sales in their retirement days from which we constantly receive treasures. Their example of love and charity deeply bless me.
9.) While on the topic of family I will delight in the fact that I am currently living so close to mom's entire family. We are surrounded by local love and get to share meals with parents and grandparents and aunt and uncles and cousins weekly. This I think is increasingly rare as people choose their home spot based on its location or job possibilites rather than family. Perhaps we will follow that example someday and move into the mountains or by the sea, but for now being wrapped in the love of family has enriched our lives amazingly.
10.) And finally I guess I will say that I am thankful for blogs! There are parts of the technological age we are in that I feel cheapen life, and alienate and ostracize people from real relationship. But, the blogs that I have interacted with surround me with such a great cloud of witness and give me a direct link into the hearts and minds of people (esp. women) who are following the same road as I. They share wisdom and wit and encourage me to dive more deeply into the love of Christ and hold me accountable to continuing to grow more into His likeness.
For all these things I thank you God

Drifting

As I briefly mentioned in my first post I went through a valley a few years ago that most have to travel through at some point of their lives. I had a broken heart from a relationship that had turned sour, and a church that I had become deeply disillusioned with. Sometimes I worried I might be losing my faith, and with the loss of that I would have been lost indeed. I learned the depth of His meaning to me in the tears I cried. He brought me through my specific valley and taught me even more to trust His promises that he knew the plans He had for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
This song by Bebo Normal both articulated the state of my heart and helped to mend it. I hope it is an encouragement to any of you who might be going through valleys of your own.

Drifting

Sometimes when I'm all alone
I don't know if I can
Take another breath
Some say home is where the heart is
Tell me where my home is
'Cause i'm scared to death

Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams

I am drifting in the deep end
Holding on to your hand
Is all that saves me now
Life can treat you like a beggar
You hold me together
But I don't know how

Falling from the rooftop
Crashing like a raindrop
Can you make my heart stop
Shaking like a leaf
Standing at the floodgate
Steady as an earthquake
Can you hear my heart break
Tearing at the seams


Some say home is where the heart is
And my heart is in your hands
You are all I need

Rising from the ashes
Lifting from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams

Learning to contribute

As I have mentioned I have recently started following the Fly Lady system which I highly recommend. It has really helped me establish routines in my day to make me more productive. Its interesting that the more i've done in my home the more empowered i've felt to do more! I have been feeling guilty that my husband works such long hours while I get to be at home enjoying my son. Now that i've started taking better care of the house and working more throughout the day part of that guilt has become unnecessary.
But I have still wanted to contribute more financially than I have been.
So, I've done two things...
1. Beginning already a rather thrifty person (by choice not nature ha!) I have begun looking for even more ways to SAVE money. I went to the library and checked out some Tightwad Gazette books to help myself get ideas and more importantly get in the right mindset.
a. Whenever we need something now I am trying to have my first thought be "how I can I make or get that for
free?" What do I already have that would substitute for it. Who could I borrow that from? Or
where could I find something that could work instead? We are too often in the habit of
rushing out and buying things as our consumeristic "right and ritual." We think that if its on
sale that we've been good stewards of our money.
b. This has actually been a fun challenge that has unleashed my creativity. When I think of
throwing away a pair of old stretched out, or uninteresting pants I now try to come up with
ways that I could simply update them. When we began running out of kitchen soaps, and
body wash I went online to find out how to make natural versions out of simple ingredients.
2. I have also started looking for small ways to make money.
a.My son and I babysit a local family with two girls 2-3 times a week which has worked really
well for us as its a way to make money without leaving my son, and we get out of the house in
a way that lets him play with other kids.
b. As i've been decluttering my home i've realized how many books we have that we will
never read or even need to lend out again. So, today I put them all up for sale at half.com. If
all eleven sell we will have around $250 coming in! (Two of them were old textbooks.)
c. I love thrift store shopping. I recently found a Michael Kors tunic new with tags for $4. I
checked and I could easily sell it on ebay for 5 times as much. Or, I might send it to my
grandma for her birthday, she loves his clothes! (Yep, my dad's mom has cute, funky, style.)
d. Finally, I have tons of ideas for things I want to make and sell somewhere like Etsy.com if I
ever get up the nerve. One of them is a spin off of the Fly Ladies office in a bag. it's a great
idea but hers just kindof looks like a binder cover. I want to make one that looks like a cool,
vintage, messenger bag, but still has all of the pockets necessary to hold note cards, pens,
your journal, paper, a calculator, phone, post it notes, etc. etc. I have started doing this with
my beautiful messenger style, multi pocketed diaper bag that my dad got me for my birthday
from Moveable Feast in Geneva. Now, whenever i'm stuck in a waiting room or as a
passenger on a car ride I can just whip it out and write Thank you notes or letters that I
normally would never get around to. My mom just called to tell me that her parents had
received a card I wrote in a spare moment and were so touched they were nearly in tears. All
it did was put down in words how I feel about them and what i'm grateful for about them. But
if I hadn't had those cards with me I probably would never have thought to write it.

Well thats all for now but this is probably a topic I will be revisiting quite often as I come up with new ideas of ways to save and make money. Please send me any ideas you have had!

A verse for my day

Pro 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Being a blessing

When I first got married I had the humbling realization that I wasn't going to have a happy, healthy marriage, and be constantly adored just on the merit of my charming personality. I needed to learn to be a contributing member to our home and our partnership. This especially hit home in the area of our house.
I grew up untameable in my messiness. I saw it as part of my free-spirited personality. Procrastination was my middle name. My mom tells stories of telling me that I "at least had to make my bed each day!" So, I made it once, and then slept on top of the covers every night to avoid the daily chore. Once I got married I realized (and was told) that this attitude wouldn't be accepted. God chose to mold my, and my husband's, characters by letting two opposite personalities fall in love.
My husband is a very driven, hard worker, with high standards for himself and everyone around him, who never puts anything off that could be done immediately. He can't rest in a space until its clean, uncluttered, and beautiful. If I planned on "doing it later" he in frustration would end up doing it himself and resent me for it. I struggled with my unwillingness to love and serve him by better caring for our home. To add to this challenge, I got pregnant immediately after getting married which sent out the window our plans for me to work to put Ben through grad-school. I refused to put my son in day-care. Therefore, Ben worked long hours at a few part-time jobs to pay our bills and I slept continually, exhausted by my first trimester of pregnancy.
Once I had my son, my husband started a full time Masters program and fostered the growth of a small tutoring business he had started. I began trying harder and harder to do a better job of caring for our home, but I had SO MANY years of bad habits to unlearn. I would be incredibly proud of a baby step and my husband wouldn't see its worth as the overall cleanliness of our home was still sub-par. I started working two exhausting part time jobs when Rowan was 4 months old, and left him either with Ben or with my mom. This didn't improve my abilities as a homemaker. Obviously, this all put a huge strain on my marriage and at some points it felt that we were barely hanging on.
We never would've thought there could be such screaming matches and disillusionment due to cleaning! We had gotten along so well in dating, but living together was hard. Honestly it went deeper than just cleaning habits. It was a heart issue. I was not willing to serve my husband in the ways he needed to be served. I loved him how I wanted to and not in the ways he could receive that love. And he perceived that. It put such a burden on him to work so hard while I wouldn't pull my own weight.
Finally, this year my attitude changed. I loved him so much I wanted to bless him by giving him a peaceful home to return to each night, esp. now that he is working full time and I am full time at home. A huge help for me has been the Fly Lady system that humorously, with understanding and grace, has helped me to become more organized, and to replace my bad habits with good ones. I have made friends with other young moms who could share in my struggles and achievements when before I had no one to walk with me in that way. I started attending mother's groups through my church, and following Blogs such as Home Living, A Fruitful Vine, and At a Hen's Pace that all mentored me in how to grow.
I had been so scared of losing my identity and my free spiritedness that I was allowing myself to cripple my marriage and be enslaved to constant chaos. Now that I've become willing to change, I find that I can still be myself while having a handle on my life. And Ben loves it! He loves to come home to a clean house, a hot healthy dinner, and a happy well rested boy. (well... most of the time! :0) We now enjoy each other without constantly bickering over things.
I'm still taking baby steps on this path, but the results are so gratifying and immediate that its encouraging me to run. I enjoy being a blessing and now that my home is less chaotic I have so much more energy to not only bless my family but to bless others as well and build life giving friendships and community. Thank you to all of you who help me to be a blessing.
Please pray for me as I continue to follow this path.

Please share advice!

As those of you who know me know, I have a wonderfully loving, adventurous, intelligent, and RASCALLY toddler. I'm not even sure if I can properly call him a toddler anymore b/c now he's more of a sprinter, esp. at the library. As soon as I turn away off he goes, head tucked, arms pumping, weaving his way around the library. Last night when Ben and I went for a run he insisted on running with us instead of riding in his stroller. He got to the sidewalk, and then gave up and crawled into his stroller huffing and puffing.

All that to say, I need some advice from those who have gone before, or those who are fighting this delightful and still trying battle beside me.

My son is at the stage where he is constantly testing me to see who the authority is, to find out the boundaries. But, I don't think I have yet convinced him that I'm the authority, not he.
He reminds me of my parents black lab when he was a puppy. You had to watch him constantly b/c he was always roaming looking for the next thing to steal and chew and jump up on.
For example, yesterday I was sweeping the kitchen and he came looked at me defiantly and started dancing in the pile, no matter how sternly I spoke telling him to move. Once, I had finally finished and moved him away he ran over and climbed on the table (a no-no) and started dumping the salt out. When I removed that from him and put him back on the ground, he snagged a candle stick and began running around the room and banging things with it, and on and on until I wanted to lay down and throw a temper tantrum.

I have tried all the things I can think of with him as consistently as possible and not met with success.
We have tried time out in his crib - it makes him see it as a place of punishment and refuse to nap in it afterwards.
We have tried time out in his room - he throws lamps on the ground and breaks them, and then refuses to let us back in the door to get him. I guess punishing us for punishing him!
We have tried turning him around at the table when he throws food - but he turns around and throws it again immediately.
We have tried spanking his hand - but its not enough of a deterrent to the delightful mischief he wants to engage in. When we were in Norway the only source of heat in our old farmhouse were a few space heaters with BIG, EXCITING, RED, on and off buttons. He would go over to them, we would say no. We try to give him the opportunity in non dangerous situations to make the right choice. He would look down at his hand and stroke it, and go ohhh ohhh with a concerned look on his face thinking through the consequences of what he wanted to do. He would look at us, look at the button, look at us, look at the button. And then, push the button. Over and over. Sometimes he even spanks himself, and then proceeds to his misdeed.
We have tried ignoring him so as to not give negative attention - this just gives him free reign!

Dobson recommends basic deterrence tactics - baby proof your house to the point that there is no longer anything to say no to. But this is only possible to a point. There will always be cords on lamps to yank, things to climb.
Honestly, for those who know my husband and I, we are pretty laid back people. We only say no to things that will seriously injure him or others or break things(ie we let him dance on the chest in the living room even though he occasionally falls off, but we don't let him use our CutCo set like swords, he can drum on the walls with spoons but he can't drum on our faces.)

Is it possible to mold an obedient spirit in a toddler, or is the highest goal at this point merely to deter him from harm and redirect him?

Please send advice. I welcome ideas and stories to help me raise my fun, crazy little son to be a good man.
I don't want to force him into being a quiet child who sits in the corner and twiddles his thumbs. I LOVE his adventurous curious spirit and want to foster his zest for life. But, I also want to see in him a willingness to obey me, in order that he will learn to submit to God.

Ok thanks in advance! I look forward to reading your advice.

Sauntering to the Holy Land

from Thoreau's essay, "Walking"

"They who never go to the Holy Land in their walks, as they pretend, are indeed mere idlers and vagabonds; but they who do go there are saunterers in the good sense, such as I mean...the saunterer, in the good sense, is no more vagrant than the meandering river, which is all the while sedulously seeking the shortest course to the sea."
I want to point out something that hit me while I was reading this essay today. In our lives we are to be saunterers; walkers, explorers with purpose. We are seeking the Holy Land, God's kingdom on earth, not geographically but in justice and beauty. We are actively seeking to join in the process of our sanctification. We must never sit back and let life happen to us. Even though sometimes we will feel like a meandering river we must remember that that river is, and must be "sedulously seeking the shortest course" to its destination or else it will dry up. Sometimes the shortest course is not an obvious straight line. And lets also encourage ourselves by remembering Tolkien's quote in the prophecy about Aragorn, "All who wander are not lost."While we choose to trust God in where He will take us we must still saunter on. And when we feel lost in our sauntering we must turn our faces East, trust our guide even if we cannot see Him, and take another step toward the Holy Land.