Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Deep Breaths

I attend a wonderful small group of women every Tuesday morning and we are currently studying the Proverbs from the Old Testament. This week in particular we just discussed how we speak to others - do we defend ourselves too much? are we harsh? are we sarcastic? Are we patient? Do we model a grateful life, a forgiving life, a repenting life, a HEALING life? Hearts were poured out around our circle, memories drawn up of moments of beauty when we saw a child mimicking our behavior to a sibling, being gentle with them rather than short. Memories of pain were recalled - times when we said hurtful things to our smallest or our dearest, caught in a moment of anger or stuck with a heart full of self righteous bitterness. We recognized that our words pour forth from our souls, so our words are a very good barometer of where we are internally. Trusting? Hoping? Rejoicing? Hating? Resenting?

On coming home today I had a moment to watch all of these things within myself.
My sweet brother in law is in town and he wanted to borrow my bike to ride with my husband. I had misgivings. He tends to ride everything too fast and too hard, the paths were all muddy and blown out from recent rain storms, and I was nervous. My Bianchi Milano in Celeste is lovely, she is a friend even though she is a thing, and thus far I have taken better care of her than anything I have previously had. But, as I am constantly telling my son - we need to share. So share I did. Thirty minutes later my husband tiptoed into the house, looking sheepish. His brother had wiped out right in an intersection. He and the bike both had a few cuts and bruises. I took a deep breath. Then another. Then another. And finally walked outside with happy face band aids, and an ibuprofen. Grateful. Grateful for my bike and my bro- in-law.


Earth Mama said...

Oh it's so trying isn't it? I've find it takes soooooooooo much practice with this. I do not want to supress those "bad" feelings inside me, yet I also do not want to live them. I want to look at the bigger picture, one of gratitude for everything, even when it doesn't make sense.


Xin Lei said...

Poor Ethan...he must have felt bad! I am proud of you for giving so generously, even when you knew a mishap was highly inevitable. You're storing up treasures in Heaven my friend, treasures in Heaven!